When you get married two families are going to blend. Think about that for a moment...
You get new people in your family, but it does not change the issues that both sides of the families have. And I'm going to use myself as an example...
When I got married my husband and I had all the same issues we had before we got married. I knew getting married would not change me, but I surely thought it was going to change him. I knew I wasn't perfect, but somehow I knew that getting married was going to provide a fresh start to help us get perfect....I was wrong by the way.
Technically, our lives were already blended before we got married. But making it right in front of God was something we had to do. You know it was like making everything official on a piece of paper, because that's all it was....a piece of paper. What I didn't know is how my side of the family and his side of the family was going to blend?
Getting married did give our families on both side a very short fresh start, but it didn't take long for everybody to go back to their old ways. It didn't take us long either. We still had real problems, big issues, and we were struggling with connecting with one another. I remember in the beginning all I told him was that I want a divorce. Before we even got married he told me if divorce was mention from me or if I gave his ring back that he would probably make good on that and never give the ring back. And guess what? My foolish self did just that.
So, yes my husband and I were very much blended, but with a whole lot of more issues, plus we were still carrying issues we brought into the new marriage.
The blending of two individuals into one harmonious marriage
I think about that and how we gave up our freedom to have our harmony decided for us, because we were so foolish. It took us going through something really bad for us to get in sync with one another. The harmony that we have now was created by us, but it was not our decision. The route we took to get to harmony was not our choice, but once we made that journey toward having some harmony we begin to create an environment of trying to stay harmonious. As a matter of fact we had no decision on how we would meet harmony, instead harmony met us. Again, I say WOW!
The blending of two individuals into one harmonious marriage takes time
Yes it does! You need to repeat that phrase to yourself a couple times and have sticky notes around your house that says exactly that.
I've learned if you want something done right it takes time. You have to
-give it some love
-and be patient while it grows.
I have never wanted my husband to be the same person all of his life. I wanted him to grow and I still have that desire for him.
After, a little time of dating my husband I knew I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. I knew we were going to have kids together and they would need a father and not a wild man who loved to go out and hang with his friend all the time. The same holds true as being a wife. I needed to grow up in a lot of ways. Mostly, I needed to stop being selfish and learn to build myself up instead of tearing myself down.
God said...That marriage will bring two people together
I love this phrase, because it reminds me that everything is going to be okay....no matter what trials may come or heartaches we will go through.
When discouragement comes to tear your marriage apart, you can say no. You can learn to say I believe discouragement is from satin and I will be encouraged. I believe this, because God said so.
Joyce Meyer puts it this way...
I will be the first to admit that making a relationship work is hard and sometimes even painful. Doing what God says to do is not always easy, but my life is a living testimony that obeying God has greater rewards that I could have every expected.
Marriage does bring two people together. In fact it really can't be any other way. The reality of marriage is two people joining together to be one and this will cause them to become one flesh.
To enjoy triumph instead of tragedy in a marriage couples today need to learn how to keep the promise (vows) they made to each other on their wedding day.
In keeping the promise of marriage the mystery of how two people became one flesh will unfold and God's plan for our own relationship with Him will be revealed.
I wish someone would have told me that by saying I do on my wedding day would not automatically make my husband and I one flesh. I have learned this is a growth thing. In other words it comes with time, but it will eventually happen, because God said so.
Becoming one flesh is where the bulk of your work for marriage is going to happen. In the beginning it seems really easy to do this. But what I have learned is you have to submit everyday to your marriage. Yes the bible tells us of this, but you have to remember you have to submit over and over again. As a matter of fact you have to learn to submit daily and sometimes several times throughout the day. This is a hard one for me and I want you to know that being submissive doesn't just involve
-Giving up the remote so your husband can watch football on Sunday's
Nooooo, it involves being submissive when having sex, bringing in money to your household, being right all the time, and trying to prove a point, but without arguing.
Becoming one takes time and too many couples are giving up on God's plan before the benefit of His design is manifested in their lives. The marriage vows do not supernaturally bring two individuals into perfect harmony.
On the contrary, the wedding vows are a promise that they will not give up on each other inspite of their differences, sickness, and successes, but will commit to waiting on God's plan to work in their lives.
My quotes highlighted in black bold letters are quoted from Joyce Meyer's book entitled: Making Marriage work. You can purchase this book online at Amazon by these methods-Joycy Meyer: Making Marriage Work Hard Cover
-Joyce Meyer: Making Marriage Work Kindle Edition