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Marriages are always stronger when you are best friends first and a couple second

Husband Quote:
Marriages are always stronger
when you are best friends
first and a couple second
I read this on Instagram the other day: It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.  How do you feel about that?

Well, one subscriber wrote:
I agree with this statement.  
I have been married for 29 years. 
When we looked at marriage from this angle, things were great.  
It's all about perception.

I replied with:
My husband and I have certainly taken our words too far at times in the past, 
but thank goodness for deliverance.
And I truly believe we are friends
and we genuinely like one another 
as friends first.
Bills, kids, family, work, and many other things
can change our focus in marriage sometimes.
They either work for your good
or against you in marriage.
I've learned that we have to go through ups and downs in marriage.  
It's no way around it
and it's part of life.
But I have also learned
to go through
and not lose my best friend
in the process.

What makes a friend in marriage:
Husband Quote
I love my husband
because he made me smile
when I almost forgot how to
 For me having a friend in marriage means having an unbreakable bond between two people.  It's like
when you see me you see them.  We're inseparable, we do every little thing together, I listen to your corny jokes, you hold my hand while in public, we're up all night talking, and you literally can't keep your hands off of me.

For many of us this is how we fell in love with our spouse, but I know many couples including myself who lacked these things after being married so long to their spouse.  Can you say the thrill is gone!

What I can say is the bond you created in the beginning is not gone.  It may be a little dusty, but it's definitely not gone.  You see ya'll just got comfortable  and all those cute little things you did in the beginning was put by the way side, because life started to happen for you two.  Life was there all along, but when you meet the right person, life can feel easy and breezy.  It's like it's you two against the world.

So, really the answer is simply to the question: What makes a friend in marriage?
Well, it's being the same person who you were in the beginning and then what you do is you continue to add to that person so you can add value to yourself and the relationship you are in.  It's just that simple, but I know it's easier said then done sometimes.  

What makes a bad friend in marriage:  When a problem happens in marriage you two have to face
it together, because you are a team.  If only one person from the team has to fix the issue by themselves, then it can cause them to feel a certain kind of way towards you, but not necessarily themselves. This is when you become a bad friend in marriage and mix feelings start to take present.  

I'm not saying you have to be a fixer, but providing comfort, a listening ear, a gentle heart, great advice, etc can contribute to fixing the problem and making it much easier to go through then doing nothing at all or being negative.

What type of things break off the friendship in marriage: 
Earlier I mention a marriage should
have an unbreakable bond.  And I know you are probably thinking a marriage can break.  Things can happen that can break a marriage and yes you are right, but only if you allow it get to a place of brokenness.  A marriage should never be influence or negatively impacted by outside influences. Outside influences include family, friends, work, money, kids, etc.  I promise you if you allow for those things to take root in your marriage, the bond will be broken.  Your friendship will suffer and sometimes it's hard to recover if things go too far to the left.  

I know from my own personal experiences how issues can come into your marriage and it can cause confusion, heartache, pain, worry, stress, panic attacks, fights, arguments, and finally it can lead to a break up.  A break up can lead to separation or a divorce.

So, when a problem comes your way in your marriage, you need to recognize it immediately!  Sometimes, it will catch you by surprise or it may catch you off guard, or you may not even know there is a problems until your spouse tells you so.  But when it does finally come out recognize it, face it head on, and move forward.

How to build a strong marriage: The only way to build a marriage is, you have to work for what
you want.  Nothing happens by chance.  Continue to practice at what you want until you have what you want.  Before I moved into my house, we stayed in an apartment.  I knew I was ready to move into a house after staying in an apartment for almost 10 years with my husband.  The minute I decided I wanted a house, I prayed.  The pastor preached that Sunday on how to prepare for what you want.  He said you should be acting as if you already have it.  So, I made up in my mind that I was going to keep the apartment clean.  I knew moving into a house, we would pretty much be responsible for all damages we made.  Having living in an apartment complex for almost 10 years, I knew what we struggled at and what it would take to care for our home.  It was mostly just keeping everything clean and tidy.  Three months later we closed on our house.

I do believe if I had not made preparations for our new home, that we still would have gotten it.  There is no doubt about that.  But putting in the work, praying, and doing my part in my marriage
to take care of our apartment we stayed in, I believe allowed things to work in my favor more quickly.

How do I start a friendship with my husband: Being a friend to your spouse should have started in the beginning.  It should have started before dating.  The same things you did in the beginning, should continue always.  But if you have lost the friendship in your marriage or maybe you are rocky when it comes to this, you can start by first reminding yourself that your husband will always be your friend.  My husband doesn't feel dates nights are necessary.  But we dated in the beginning, so I always tell him we should date now.  There was a time when we stop dating, because we had small kids, I was in school, and life got busy.  But now that our kids are older we have more time for one another.  So, I have to remind him that he needs to take me out to dinner, I still love roses, and I want to have a conversation with him everyday.

For you the friendship may be a little different in your marriage. Maybe you took road trips, but whatever the case is, know that you need a friend first before a husband.

Have you ever heard someone say I just need a friend?  Or maybe you have heard them say I need my friend!

A lot of the times we don't realize what we have lost until we have lost it.  You can usually recognize that you have lost something in your marriage, when you say these words to your spouse:

  • You have change
  • You're not the same
Today I want to leave you with some Q & A if you working on building a stronger marriage.  Don't be discourage and remember working on your marriage has to be an everyday thing.

1.  How is your husband feeling today?  How are you feeling today?
A.  Easy Breezy      B. Moody      C. It's going to be one of those days

Based on how you both are feeling today will determine the course of your day.

A. Easy Breezy
On these days you wont't have to work so hard in marriage, but make sure you share a kiss, a special moment ( maybe a throwback story), and some intimate time.

B. Moody
Days like this can be rough, but you can get through them.  The key to getting through this day is to not shut down and not engage in conversation.  There's usually a reason why your spouse may be feeling like this.  It's not your job to figure out what the problem is.  Instead be supportive of their emotions by showing you care.

C.  It's going to be one of those days
My husband doesn't have a lot of these days, but when he does I simply give him space.  After, a  little time a part, he has had that time to clear his head and then he can move on.  My husband usually needs a good nap or a good night's rest and after he gets what he needs, he returns back to normal.

Marry someone Quote: who laughs at the same thingsyou do.

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