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| Husband Quote: Relationships are worth fighting for, but you can't be the only one fighting |
Sometimes, it's hard to believe we all have so many things in common with celebrities or from the couples we see on reality television, but we actually do.
For example, in every relationship, whether you are dating, courting, or married, the number one goal is to live a happy life together. Another goal we share, is to have our spouse get along with everyone
in our circle.
I was watching the
season finale of a reality television show called Jim and Chrissy Vow or Never
on WE TV and they couldn't make up in their minds if they wanted to get
married. That’s basically what the show was centered around.
To give you a little background information about Jim and Chrissy…Chrissy is Jim’s long time girlfriend. She has been with him for several years now. So, when the topic of marriage came up, this was not something that sprung up out of the blue or at the last minute. And just like this show, they had been involved in other reality shows as well. As a matter of fact the topic of marriage seemed to always follow them no matter what reality television show they were on.
Here’s The Issue: Chrissy's Side of the Story
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| Husband Quote: Sometimes in marriage you have to compromise. It's better to bend a littlethan to break a loving relationship |
For me on the outside looking in, these issues would not have been so big to handle if they would have address them head on, instead of laying them by the way side. Chrissy tried to address the issues she was having with Jim, but for some reason Jim couldn't find ways to work out the issues within himself, which lead him not to be able to work them out in his relationship to Chrissy.
Jim's Side of the Story
Jim had some issues with Chrissy too. He didn't like that Chrissy
wasn't cooking every
night. He also wanted her to get along better with
his mama and just like Chrissy's issues are very minor, I feel like Jim's issues are too. However, I will say I believe Chrissy’s issues are way more important than Jim’s.
Now before you jump on me about taking sides, know that I am not taking Chrissy's side, but I do feel like Jim could have bought Chrissy some cook books to help her be more creative in cooking. And now a days there are so many books about how to build relationships and in this case all Jim had to do was find Chrissy a self help book to build a better relationship with his mom. If it took counseling to mend their mother and daughter relationship, then fine, but just the fact that Jim is supporting Chrissy would have scored him so major brownie points with Chrissy. Chrissy would have felt, Jim heard her concerns and this would have made her feel they were moving somewhat in a better direction.
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| A great relationship doesn't happen, because of the love you had in the beginning. But how well you continue building love until the end. |
Now before you jump on me about taking sides, know that I am not taking Chrissy's side, but I do feel like Jim could have bought Chrissy some cook books to help her be more creative in cooking. And now a days there are so many books about how to build relationships and in this case all Jim had to do was find Chrissy a self help book to build a better relationship with his mom. If it took counseling to mend their mother and daughter relationship, then fine, but just the fact that Jim is supporting Chrissy would have scored him so major brownie points with Chrissy. Chrissy would have felt, Jim heard her concerns and this would have made her feel they were moving somewhat in a better direction.
In The End
Jim said he was ready to get married, which was shock to me, but Chrissy on the other hand was not. In all honesty, I feel Chrissy made a great decision. Even though
she knew this man could take care of her for the rest of her life and she loved
him so much, she didn’t allow those things to pursue her and cause a distraction to force her to get into a marriage that she may later regret.
Jim was of course very upset, I mean who wouldn't be. He actually took out the time and bought a ring, got down on one knee, and said the words will you marry me, which is what many women long to hear. However, he couldn't even take a small step to compromise towards what Chrissy really wanted in the relationship, so how was he able to make this big commitment. Was he proposing, because he felt the pressure or was it out of pure love?
In my honest opinion, it was a little bit of both. If I was Jim's and Chrissy's marriage counselor I would first tell Chrissy to not expect for Jim to change, unless he wants to change. No amount of love or money can make someone change. I know she feels time apart will help him be more clear on what he wants and maybe it will, but don't count on time apart to be a solution to help resolve the issues. Time does heal, but separating and then coming back together in the hopes that time being a part from one another is going to fix their issues, is the wrong way to go about fixing any issues.
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| A woman can't change a man, because she loves him. A man changes himself, because he loves her. |
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| Marriage can't thrive on left over attention. It has to get your best effort. |
In my honest opinion, it was a little bit of both. If I was Jim's and Chrissy's marriage counselor I would first tell Chrissy to not expect for Jim to change, unless he wants to change. No amount of love or money can make someone change. I know she feels time apart will help him be more clear on what he wants and maybe it will, but don't count on time apart to be a solution to help resolve the issues. Time does heal, but separating and then coming back together in the hopes that time being a part from one another is going to fix their issues, is the wrong way to go about fixing any issues.
Secondly, I would
tell her that the way she desires for her marriage to be is not a wrong desire
to have. She should not compromise on her desires. Instead they
both should come to a happy medium that is good for Jim and her.
Jim expressed he had no plans on changing. Well, I would let him know, it doesn't sound like Chrissy is trying to change you. However, it doesn't sound like ,you are willing to
bend just a little bit to help the relationship. So, it makes you seem selfish. Jim you have to be willing to be that guy that Chrissy fell in love with and to continue to learn to adjust to both of your lifestyles as you travel this journey together. Marriage is a journey. You will travel that journey together and just like your body
changes with age, your priorities and mindset will will change as you grow old
with this person.
Jim expressed he had no plans on changing. Well, I would let him know, it doesn't sound like Chrissy is trying to change you. However, it doesn't sound like ,you are willing to
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| Don't give up on your marriage. Being a great spouse takes time. |
Compromising in My Marriage
Comprising in
marriage is so hard for so many couples. It use to be hard for me, until
I realize having a compromising relationship is healthy for my husband and I, and not
hurting us. I believe a lot of people feel their needs won't be met if
they compromise. That they will be at the mercy of their spouse to
determine whether or not they will get the happiness and fulfillment they are
seeking in a marriage.
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| One of the greatest things about marriage is finding someone who knows all about you and your mistakes and still sees the best in you. |
First, let's just
clear up that compromising is not you giving into everything your spouse wants,
desires, or thinks they need. It's really about coming to a happy medium.
For example, my husband loves to have a home cook meal. I don't
like to cook every night. Therefore, I cook every other night. This
not only gives him what he wants, but it gives me a peace of mind too.
Here's another
example....We don't have a television in our bedroom. We use to, but in
our new home we don't. I want one in the bedroom, my husband doesn't.
He says it takes from the intimacy and conversation in the bedroom.
Listening to him say these things, helps me to understand that having
that intimacy and conversation in the bedroom is very important to him.
Just like many married couples we view the bedroom as sacred and what
goes on in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. So, it actually makes sense
to leave out all distractions.
At one time my
husband had a problem with cellphones being brought in the bedroom, but I
can't live without my cellphone. So what I do is, I try not to get on it
first thing in the morning.
From both
situations, you can see that we are both compromising. For me,
compromising was understanding why he felt like the television and cellphone
was a distraction in the bedroom. Those two things could have easily
started an argument. Something, so minor, but if I had not been willing
to listen to his concerns, those issues could have turned into something so major. We
could have argued to the point where nothing was resolved.
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| Husband you changed my life without even trying . You mean the world to me. I can't imagine what things would be like if I hadn't met you. |
From my husband 's
perspective, he is very vocal about what he wants to happen. Me on the
other hand, I will lead by example. Meaning, before I say anything to him
sometimes, I will show him, before I will say something that may be bothering me.
A lot of the times this works, but sometimes, he doesn't get it and I
have to say something.
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| Some people search their whole lives to find what I found in you. |
So, some some declarations, I want you to remember when Compromising in a Marriage:
One
Compromise is not about losing. It
is about deciding that the other person has just as much right to be happy with the end result as you do.
Two
The best things to learn in life is the
habit of compromise, because it's better to bend a little, than to break a
loving relationship.
Three
A woman can't change a man, because she
loves him. A man changes himself, because he loves her.
Fourth
A great relationship about two things.
First, appreciating the similarities and second respecting the
differences.
Fifth
Immature people always want to win an
argument, even at the cost of a relationship. Mature people understand
that it's always better to lose an argument and win a relationship.
Compromising is not a bad thing. Some people try to say they will never compromise, but in this marriage of mines compromise is a must. Keep in mind that everyone's marriage is different. Somethings, that my husband and I compromise about in our marriage, may not be that serious in your marriage.
Also, remember compromising is not all about taking. You have to give what you take. My husband is more of a giver than a taker, so it is a lot easier for me to compromise.
Another thing to remember is lead by example in compromising. Be the example of how you would resolve a compromising problem in your marriage. Sometimes, in order for a compromise to be establish, it starts with you. You can't force your spouse to want to compromise. It is a mutually agreement and understanding.
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