Like I know that you
know what you want in a guy, but meeting someone who is the ideal perfect
guy from your dreams is not as easy as we think. I have had friends to
say to me I like everything about this guy, but he has kids or everything is
right about him except his teeth isn't pretty. Finding the perfect guy is
hard
Sometimes I feel like I knew what I wanted before I met my husband, but now that I have him, I feel like some of my wants have changed. Like I have found that I have compromised, not necessarily deviated from what my perfect guy was from my dreams, but I have changed my
views of what I thought the perfect guy was, because I liked my husband so much.
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I always like to
think back on how my husband and I was when we first met. During the
first eight months of dating, all I wanted him to know was how much I loved
him. How much he had changed my life. For the first year of dating
I gave him a greeting card or a drawing every month to show my love for him. I couldn't
afford to buy him gifts or take him out and so I would use what I had to show my appreciation.
When we moved in
together, I found out he still had the cards. They were hidden in an old
shoe box. And to this very day he still has them. That was almost
15 years ago.
I also remember
how the first couple of months was for us, he was the perfect guy. I was
really lucky and still feel that way. I hear stories from some of my
friends that are in that dating stage now and they say dating is a lot harder
than what it was 15 years ago. So, I'm very grateful to have met my
husband when I did. But you know, of course over the years, things have
become rough. And to be honest with you, I think the roughness was us
experiencing growing pains.
For a long time, I
thought I was the only one in life to every experience, such a rough marriage
until I heard Joyce Meyer speaking about her own experiences as a wife one day.
So, many times the world tries to portray that marriage is perfect.
And if you're not careful you will believe that, which can cause all
types of problems in the beginning stages of your relationship and they
certainly will follow you into marriage.
And the reason why it causes problems, because again it's something we are dreaming about, fantasizing about, or we have in our minds how we want certain things to be.
Whether you are dating or married, you have to learn for yourself what is real. Are you really okay with your husband working all the time. If you were to get pregnant are you going to continue to work or make the decision yourself not to work. And I mean sometimes you really can't answer these questions until you're actually in that situation, but it's okay to think down the line and prepare yourself for what may happen.
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Some people will say oh we will be able to get through that, we have gotten through pretty much everything thrown at us, but you really never know until it happens. And most of the time, it doesn't happen as planned out as you would like it to be.
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When I describe
the perfect husband, I do think about my own husband. I know he is not perfect,
but he comes pretty close to being perfect. When we use to argue like
back in the day, it use to be really awful. Saying stuff you don't mean
and then trying to take it back is really hard. I can only speak for
myself and my actions in our arguments.
When it came to
arguing, I really felt he didn't understand where I was coming from.
I would really try to get my point across. But I believe the arguing
steamed from keeping everything bottled up. Then I would reached my
boiling point and that's where the arguing began. What I should have been
doing instead is, addressing the issues as I saw them.
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Then I also had to
realize that just, because I thought it was an issue, did not mean he thought it
was issue.
Then I had to learn that he was willing to make my issue, his issue and he would try his best to do what I was asking of him.
Then I had to learn that he was willing to make my issue, his issue and he would try his best to do what I was asking of him.
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I know...weird!
But he doesn't clean up things how I like them. Sometimes, at the end of the work week I have a pile of clothes on our bedroom floor. I don't like to mix every piece of clothing with towels, because they get a smell sometimes if I don't get to wash them every day. And I never knew if I would get the opportunity to wash clothes during the week, so I kept my work clothes in their own little pile on the floor of our bedroom.
Well, sometimes he would get a little sprout of energy to clean. Which is fine. But every time that would happen it seemed like he started on my side of the bed first. He would throw my shoes in a pile and my clothes would end up in the dirty clothes. Of course, I told him to leave my stuff alone, but he kept doing it...time after time...So, eventually I had a problem with it. It had boiled up inside of me along with some other things too. So, when I reached my boiling point that was one of the issues that came up along with 50 other issues.
Looking back, that was just a terrible way to deal with stuff. You know now that I am older, at least I would like to say that has something to do with it, I don't allow stuff to get me to a boiling point as much. It still happens, but not nearly as often as it once did.
The one thing I
can say is, after every argument, my husband would do better. I
believe
he heard my concerns to a certain level in the midst of everything I was
fussing at him about and he really tried to be a fixer. I also, believe
this was partially his way of saying I'm sorry. He was making an effort
to understand my issues and working hard at trying not to make the same mistake
again. Of course, you know for a long time I never saw it that way.
I wanted him to get it right every time.
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What I have
learned over the years is I have a great man. Yes, he is flawed and I
don't put him on the pedestal of being the perfect husband, but he has all of the
qualities of the perfect husband.
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For a long time, I
thought the arguing would never end. Everyday it seemed like we were arguing.
But what did change is when I made up in my mind and said to myself that I
don't want to argue like this anymore. And I will tell you a lot of the
times, when I was raising my voice and yelling at my husband it was me who
was upset the most. My husband would sit on the couch, flip the
television stations, and listen. Now don't get me wrong this annoyed me
to the fullest. But comparing now to then, we have grown up conversations were we are not arguing like that anymore. We can sit down
together on the couch, not me standing over him and yelling. Yes, our voices
may get elevated, but it's still a conversation.
You have to also know that if the conversation is getting to heated that, you need to leave it alone for now, because you don't want to cross any boundaries. You know say stuff that is hard for you to take back.
You have to also know that if the conversation is getting to heated that, you need to leave it alone for now, because you don't want to cross any boundaries. You know say stuff that is hard for you to take back.
You can always
tell if your spouse heard you in an argument, because things start to change.
I don't think necessarily they are giving in to your demands or what you
want, but instead they are compromising and showing you that you were heard.
But you know it shouldn't even come down to an argument, but sometimes
when you have two passionate people who are passionate about the other one, it
happens.
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So, some declarations, I want you to consider and remember about your husband's perfection is:
One:
It's amazing to find someone who wants to hear all about the things that go in your head.
Two:
A great relationship doesn't happen, because of the love you had in the beginning, but how well you continue building love until the end.
Three:
I truly believe, when God made you, He was really thinking about me.
Four:
Marriage is about become a team. You're going to spend the rest of your life learning about each other and every now and then things blow up. But the beauty of marriage is that if you picked you the right person and you both love each, you'll always figure out a way to get through it.
Five:
When you face a struggle in your marriage, remind yourself that the struggle will become a story some day. It will either be a story about why you divorced or a story about how you worked together to build a stronger marriage. You get to decide which story become true.
Six:
Sometimes I look at you and I wonder how I got to be so damn lucky.
Seven:
Sometimes, you can't explain what you see in a person. It's just the way they take you to a place where no one else can.
Eight:
When a man truly loves a woman she becomes his weakness. When a woman truly loves a man he becomes her strength. This is called Exchange of power.
Nine:
All that you are is all that I'll ever need.
Ten:
Love is when you sit beside someone doing nothing, yet you feel perfectly happy.
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