I am a Good Wife

Many of you reading this are married.  Maybe you're just getting started and running into a few problems in your marriage and you're just trying to find help to figure it out.

One thing I want you to know is I can't provide all the answers to help you.  What I do want you to recognize is you are a good wife.  Having an argument or disagreement in with your spouse does not belittle you in any type of way.

Sometimes, after you get married your spouse or even yourself can become comfortable.  I don't like being comfortable in my marriage, because it brings up an array of problems.  I feel like I am always preparing for something to come.  I constantly have to watch what I say and do, because I don't want my mouth or my actions to get me in trouble.

I tend to feel this way when I am dealing with my husband or when we around one another throughout the day.  I don't to say anything or do anything to offend him.  He doesn't get offended very easily, at least I don't think so, but I know that I am a complainer and my complaints could easily affect our marriage.

You may not be a complainer like me, but maybe you nag your husband, or maybe you don't give him enough credit about things he feels he does to make you happy.  Believe me, everyone struggles with something in their marriage that the other person doesn't like.

Even with all that being said, that still doesn't make you a bad wife.

Personally, speaking in my marriage I take care of our home.  I clean, cook, care for the children, and just naming those things is a lot for me, because if I begin to break those things down even further into categories, you will see that it's not just taking care of those three things, but it's really nurturing them so that they can function well in our home.

I've been with my husband for 15 years.  After, 15 years, a person can get comfortable.  Maybe what they once did they don't do anymore and sometimes it doesn't take 15 years for these things to start to show up.  Sometimes, they show up before you became married or maybe afterwards.

When one person is trying to change and the other one is comfortable it's hard for the other person to see there are some changes that need to be made.

To be honest with you, I became tired and weary, angry and felt unappreciated at the things I was contributing to in my home.  So, this is where the change started to take place in me.  Doing these thing day in and day out made me feel less than a woman.  And if I can be honest with almost like a slave.  So, to get out of that mentality, I had to change some things and that change started with me.

At the very beginning of my husband and I dating we were Velcro.  I remember after  2 years of dating him, he was like you don't have to call me every time you want to do something or want to make a decision about something.  But you see for 2 years of my life that is the way how we did thing and then all of a sudden he didn't want that happen anymore.  It definitely hurt my feelings and made me feel a certain type of way.

Him saying that affected so many things I did, because with me asking him, it help me make decisions really easily about things I was trying to do for us.  Things like cooking ( I would ask him, what do you want to eat tonight).  So, to have me make the final decision was not something that I wanted, but I did it anyway.

As I look back, I can see where our Velcro, was slowly coming undone.  So speeding up to a few years later I felt like my husband and I was not spending a lot of time together.  So, I told him we needed to map out time to spend together.  By this time we had two kids, real bills, we both worked, and if our time wasn't spent with those things, than our time was just spent with other people or doing other things.

As you probably can imagine, this an epic fail.  My husband was not having it.  So, I decided to do this secretly without him even realizing that I was putting time aside to spend time together and of things together.  Slowly, but surely I can tell a difference in our relationship.  Our friendship, communication, sex life, and chemistry was back.  But you see wives, I couldn't let my husband know that I had this schedule set up for us in this way.  So, does that make me a bad wife.  I think not.

You see being a good wife takes work.  We can look at the Atlanta Housewives, the Mob Wives, the pastor's wife, our neighbor's wife, or the woman who is a wife at work and compare our lives to them, but we have to learn to make things work for ourselves.  It's okay to get advice, watch those reality wives, read books on how to be a great wife, but you have to use most of that information and know how to apply to your marriage so that it works for your relationship.

I am a good wife, because of the dedication I give my family everyday.  I don't expect for my husband to tell me thank you.  I do these things, because I want to do them.  A long time ago, I did those things to please him, to grab his attention, to make him feel like the man of the house, but now I do them for myself.  And I don't want to do certain things, because it's not going to make me happy, than I don't do them.  If I feel like certain things will make my husband happy, then I do them when I can have a good attitude about it and when I can serve him well.

Please know that marriage is not perfect.  There are going to be times when you have to adjust to certain things, and even though stuff is good this way right now, things may not work this smoothly all the time.

That's why I say I can't get comfortable in my marriage.  I have to adjust to how my husband's day went or how I am feeling at the moment.  Sometimes, I can just let down my hair and enjoy and relax, but most of the time I am just busy trying to get things as perfect as I can and working on myself to be a good wife.

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